Staying with the supplies

I was barely awake this morning when I dropped my husband off a short while ago to join his team. For the next 2 weeks He will be leading a group of Bible College students on a missions trip to Mexico, and he will be missed! 

But that was not what I was thinking about when He got out of the car, what I was thinking about was getting back to my warm covers and hoping that mercifully the children would sleep in late this morning- it is Mother's Day after all and 5:30am came brutally early!

Today, the best Mother's Day present from my children (who are still unaware that I deserve utmost love, honor, respect, hand made cards and copious amounts of chocolate on this day) would be that they just sleep! I'll pick my own flowers and buy myself chocolates with maybe even a sappy card to myself for good measure, but today sleep would be- heavenly!

So why on earth, with my little angels still gloriously snoozing am i blogging?    

Because when my husband got out of the car, God reminded me of something, and I want to share that with you!

1 Sam 29-30
Maybe you know the story, maybe you don't but I'll break it down for ya - Jen style!

David had been living among the Philistines for about a year, hiding out from a murderous Saul, when he decided to enlist in their military. He felt the call from "Uncle Sam" or "Uncle Achish" may be more accurate, either way he wanted to go into battle with them against Israel. 

However, for reasons that do seem pretty wise in my opinion, the commanding officers of the Philistine army didn't want David to join. They wondered where His loyalty really was, and in the heat of battle worried that he may decide to try to win the favor of his former king by pulling a little switcharoo and opening a can of crazyness all up on the Philistine army's behinds instead. 

Make no mistake, David was a mean mamma-jammma. It wasn't for nothing that the Israelites sang about David's kung-fu-like mad skills in sweet nursery rhymes like: "Saul has slain his thousands, and David his ten's of thousands."

So although king Achish trusted him, to keep his leaders happy, he sent David and his homeboys packing. When the crew arrive back at Zeklag they find the burning remains of their homes and city but do not find their wives and children. They had been kidnapped by the Amalekites. Obviously David and his men were distraught, but David's men get all mutiny crazy, so David seeks God about the wisdom of pursuing the Amalekites. And God say's basically that David should hand out a whoopin, and that the Amalekites were the one's that David could open up a can on!

Now, just because I think this has to be one of the BEST "dad rescues daughter" films EVER, i have to quote my favorite scene from the movie "Taken", but first let me lay it out for you. 
The daughter had been kidnapped and the father, played by Liam Neeson, gets one of the kidnappers on the phone- the following is something I could imagine David saying to the Amalekites after they took his wives and children...

Father speaking: "I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."
Kidnapper: [after a long pause] "Good luck."

Yea i know right!!! 
So long story even longer, David and the boys go after the Amalekites but half way there 200 of the men feel too tired to go on, so they stay back and 400 continue on pursuit. They reach the Amalekites, kick butt and take names and rescue all the women and children, returning home with the plunder to the men who had stayed behind. A dispute arises because the returning warriors get all cocky deciding they don't need to share any Amalekite treasure with the dudes who were too tuckered out to go fight. But David ends all that foolishness once and for all by saying this:

1 Sam 30:24 "...The share of the man who stayed with the supplies is to be the same as that of him who went down to the battle. All will share alike. 25 David made this a statute and ordinance for Israel from that day to this"

Today, as my husband was getting out of the car and I drove home to my dark and quiet apartment, God reminded me of that verse- He basically said to me- Jen, your husband is going off to do wonderful things for the next 2 weeks. He will be sharing the gospel, praying for Mexicans and seeing lives eternally changed! It will be an amazing time of training up young Bible college students who will change the world- but just because you are not going with him doesn't mean your value and reward are not the same as His! You are staying back with the "supplies" but know that your joy, blessing and reward will be the same as if you were standing beside him every moment he is on that mission trip!"

That word from my Heavenly Father blessed me today, on Mothers day and it was honestly a better present than the sleep I had been hoping for anyway, because it reminded me again that God doesn't miss a thing, He sees and He's keeping track. 

But today I think of all of the rest of you mothers. The stay at home moms who will never get the thanks you really deserve, even on this Hallmark holiday! And though the world may see it as you having just stayed with the "supplies", that's not what God thinks, and He's been keeping track, He'll even the score, and share the plunder- if not here then heaven! 

Army wives- really! What can we even say?

Then there are those moms who keep track of the "supplies" AND go into battle!!! Well God must have the mathematics all worked out there, because somehow, some way there's gotta be double somethin coming from somewhere for you!

My mom was certainly one of those DOUBLE DUTY WARRIORS- not out of desire but necessity! So I honor her today, but more so pray that she may see, especially today some of that Amalekite plunder being poured out on her in a double portion for all her sacrifice! I love you mom!

Well I think I hear the "supplies" waking up- so I'm off to face the day, refreshed- I hope you are as well!

Jen





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

French fries in the garbage can

I cried today waiting in line for my food at McDonald's!

I know, yes- late night trips to Mcd's is that moustache on our grandma that we don't wanna talk about- but we all secretly do!
I watched "super size me" and didn't eat there for a month, but like a bad habit- it drew me back in- yes, I am a sinner. I know it- I repent :)

But I diverge...

As I sat in line contemplating those huge questions of the universe: "Am I gonna be good and only get the snack size mcflurry? well it's only 30 cents more to upgrade to the larger one, and that's such a great deal! I shouldn't turn it down!, no it's late- I don't want this to go straight to my hips..."- out of the corner of my eye I saw a man walking and he caught my attention.

It is not yet too too cold here in Dallas- well at least not for this northerner who knows what actual cold is (you know what I'm sayin!). And here was a man that in my mind was overly dressed. He had on a hoodie and some gloves and a hat and he was walking toward a trash can across the street. I watched for a moment because I had nothing else to do waiting in my car (I really do enjoy people watching- you never know what they are gonna do!), and wondered if maybe he was a janitor who would be taking out the trash. As I continued to watch, the man took the lid of the can and started sifting through it. This surprised me because I was waiting for him to lift out the bag and tie it up to take it to some larger bin. At this point I thought that maybe he had lost something and was looking to see if it was inside this trash can, but after he finished he walked a few feet to another can and repeated the same process. That is when it dawned on me- maybe this man is homeless or in need.

And that's when the grappling started. In my brain I started running through all the scenarios: here I was alone in the car, a woman in a not so great part of the lovely city of Dallas (where police sirens are heard on a daily basis)- wondering if I should approach a possibly homeless or drug addicted man and ask him if he needed some help or some food. Those are the stories that make their way to unsolved mysteries (of which I was an avid- if not terrified watcher from an early age- I am scarred, so pray for me!).

What can I do God? I wondered if maybe I should run over and hand him a few dollars, but then if I got out of line would everyone be mad at me for messing up the system? And besides, I had always heard that you shouldn't give homeless or addicts cash- you should take them somewhere and buy them something that they need- food, clothes...

I felt so helpless! God did you have this man catch my attention because I am supposed to help him? Am I simply to pray and ask you to do something on behalf of this man? and why doesn't anyone else seem to notice- especially the MEN in this very long and annoyingly slow line- what about that guy in front of me with the Jesus fish on his car- would he help? how about this guy in the car behind me on his cell phone? would he think I was crazy if I got out of my car and asked him to take 5 dollars to that man digging in the trash? would he do it?

After an eternity in my mind, the line moved to the place where I paid and picked up my food, and as I pulled out of the line I circled around to try to see if that man was still near the trash cans across the street, but he was gone. What could I have done God? I want to be you with flesh on but I want to be wise too. Was I wrong? Then I thought to myself- well I have these piping hot french fries, I wonder if I were to go over and throw them in the trash if that man would come back and find them? What else should I throw away to help him if he's hungry- we don't even need this food, it was only a whim, a want- what if he's hungry tonight?

As those contemplations continued it dawned on me-

Isn't that what God did for us?

On an infinitely larger scale, God took something valuable to Him and threw it in the trash so that we in our desperation and deepest need while digging through that trash-might find Him!

He knew us, He knew that we couldn't come to Him, that we didn't even know how to ask for what He knew we needed, and before we could even ask- John 3:17: "God sent his own son into the world, not to condemn the world but that the world through him might be saved."

Jesus: a part of the holy trinity became flesh- came to this trash heap of a world, rank with sinful piles of filth because...

I believe this blog (http://vaughnblog.blogspot.com/ ) says it well:

"The only way to bring sinful humanity and a holy God back into relationship was by a blood sacrifice.

Max Lucado, in The Applause of Heaven, writes: "The law called for spilling the blood of a lamb. That would be enough. It would be enough to fulfill the law. It would be enough to satisfy the command. It would be enough to justify God's justice. But it would not be enough to take away sin… "because it is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins." (Heb. 10:4)Sacrifices could offer temporary solutions, but only God could offer the eternal one.

So He did.

Beneath the rubble of a fallen world, He pierced His Hands.

In the wreckage of a collapsed humanity, He ripped open His side.

His children were trapped, so He gave His blood.

It was all He had. His friends were gone.

His strength was waning.

His possessions had been gambled away at His feet.

Even His Father had turned His Head.

His blood was all He had. But His blood was all it took!"

Marvel at the paradox! The Living Water was thirsty. The Son of God separated from His Father. The Living Water thirsted. The Bread of Life died. The Way, the Truth and the Life became sin, lies and death. For me. For you. Because our sin required it…"

Wherever that man is tonight Lord- would you meet him! Surround him as with a blanket and comfort him- May he know you as we know you- As the God who sees! Abba, Daddy Father. Seeing us in our deepest depravity and kneeling in that filth to meet us there! May you fill more than his physical hunger tonight O God- Fill that need that is in every human being- to be forgiven and accepted and loved by you! In the name of the one who made that possible- Jesus!

i grab, you grab, we all grab what we want-but cannot have

Today I fed my children grapes. They love them some grapes!

Often times when I am watching them eat, I think to myself- "why didn't I buy more______?"

They are pretty fickle when it comes to eating, and when in their hunger they decend on the offering I have set before them, and ACTUALLY eat it, it makes me very happy! Because my friends-My labor has not been in vain :)

However today, when I looked back from whatever I had started to do after feeding them, I saw that Alana had finished with what was in her bowl and had started to grab from the big bowl of grapes I had set on the table to divvy out from for her and Ben.

My first reaction was- "girl, you better stop grabbing- you need to ask first, mommy will get you some." So Alana slowly started to take her hand out of the bowl probably wondering if she was going to get in "time out" trouble for this infraction, or even if I would let her keep what she already had in her hand.

As I put my hand in the bowl to get her some, I noticed with a bit of a smile how much bigger my hands are than hers, and how many more grapes would fit in my hand than hers and it was at that moment, the Lord spoke to me and He said something like this:


Jen, that is often what you do. There are so many things that you want and need, and I want to give them to you- but when you grab and grasp for them, you miss out! You see, MY HANDS are much bigger than yours, my grasp much stronger and my ability much wider- I can give you more than you can get yourself, I can hold onto more than your tiny hands can hold onto and I can reach wider realms than you can even start to imagine, but you must let me- you must let me. You do that by asking, and then waiting for my response. And I will respond, because I am a loving Father who longs to give you good gifts. You can trust me! I have given my Son, will I not also freely give all things?























Lord- please forgive me for the times that I take selfishly for myself. That I strain and grab at the things I feel I need at that very moment without taking the time to ask you for them! I know that you want to meet my needs, and you already have done that in so many ways! Thank you for the love that you so freely pour out on us every day. Thank you that my fulfillment truly comes from, in and through you alone- help me to never forget that! Whatever it is- whatever you may choose to bring- I trust what comes in your hands!

Keep it burning!

The other day I was reading one of my journals and thought this story worth relating:

In a book by John Maxwell- "Developing the Leader in You"- John relates a story about a lighthouse foreman.
This man ran and took care of the lighthouse- filling the light with the oil so that by night the ships would see and avert any danger of running aground.
Soon however, people in the town started to come to him needing help. They knew that the lighthouse had oil and they also knew that the man who ran it was a nice man, so he would help those who came and gave out oil to the people around the area as they one by one ran out.

Finally the foreman himself ran out of oil to run the lighthouse, and the light went out.
Many lives were lost because the lighthouse light was no longer able to burn! The ships could no longer see the lighthouse, the shores or even other ships.

When the man was brought up before the authorities, he gave excuses but their response to him was this: "Your only job was to keep that light burning!".

Wow, something to think on! I know for me that often times I don't spend the time I need to in order to keep my personal light burning! And that is what I am going to be responsible to God for! I think the rest, everything else, is what happens when our light shines!- "Let your light so shine before men that they will see your good works and glorify your God who is in heaven"

just THROW IT AWAY

It is so funny to me how often God speaks to me through interactions with my kids! Alana, my 20 month old has gotten really good at taking things to the garbage. We'll hand her a diaper we just changed from her or her brother and say: "Alana, go throw that away in the garbage", and she will. It is so cute to watch her little body as she toddles toward the garbage and hear the lid open and close as she makes a deposit, and see her wobble back.

Last night I was feeding her some apple, and as I was cutting off a piece, it fell on the floor. She already had a small piece in her hand, and so I picked up the fallen one and gave it to her as well and repeated the customary command "throw that away in the garbage". I figured that since she already had a good piece in her hand, she would take the piece that might seem perfectly good to her and obey us. She took it from me as normal and headed toward the garbage, but I didn't hear the lid, or see her coming back and so I peeked my head around the corner. I couldn't help but laugh as I saw her stuffing the dirty piece in her mouth as she stood in front of the garbage, she just couldn't let it go. I whispered to my hubby, "look honey, she's chewing on the piece I told her to throw away, that's so gross". And the thing that was crazy was that there I was sitting waiting to give her another clean piece if she would just come back, but she didn't understand. Keith immediately called to her "Alana, that's dirty throw it away". But it was too late, she had already shoved it into her mouth and was happily chewing it.

Then it hit me, you know, we are just like that with God sometimes. We will see something we want but He will tell us to let it go and throw it away. But we will want it so much that we don't trust Him enough to fully obey. We'll pick that dirty thing up off the floor and go and stand in front of the garbage like we're going to but we aren't able to resist as we take it for ourselves. And all the while He's waiting to give us the good clean thing that He has for us.

Well, I know for myself that I definitely want God's best and want to trust Him to give it to me in His time! I think it would be a lot better for all of us if we were willing to let go of the things God says to let go of and just throw them away, because He ALWAYS has better things for us. Jeremiah 29:11 says: "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".

I'm glad I can trust that God's plans for me are way BETTER than what needs to be thrown in the garbage!

Dishes, clothes and the seeds I sow

Last night I was listening to a cd series by the Copeland women called "Becoming a Woman of God". One in particular stood out to me from Marty Copeland. She was speaking of progressive change and how she was able to recognize and allow God to heal her in the area of her eating habits. She said that she left a portion of her food on her plate and would say to the Lord, "God, I am sowing this offering of food to you, and am expecting to reap a harvest of self control".

Man alive did that challenge me! Not just in the area of self control or eating, but in all the areas of my life!

So this morning as I was tending to our ever growing mound of clothes (both dirty and clean), I remembered what Marty had said and decided at that moment that I wanted to begin to reap better harvests. I started to think about farmers and how they very intentionally sow their seeds and prepare for the harvest. They EXPECT to receive something from what they have sown and don't randomly throw seed here and there. Everything in this life is sowing and reaping and I think my eyes were opened a bit more to that fact.

So as I was throwing clothes into the dryer, I said "Lord, I am sowing this to you as an act of faith, and I am believing that I will receive in return more faithfulness and discipline in the area of my housework" because you see, I really, really really want to be a better Mother and Wife- but more specifically, a better housewife!

I am truly tired of being embarrassed when people come over because my house isn't exactly as I would like it- and that as they step across our welcome mat- I'm wiping sweat from my brow and trying to catch my breath from the mad dash of having run around the house to clean as best I can. I hate that I close the door to my room (and really want to lock it) and hope that our guests won't get a glimpse in of the Armageddon that has become our chambers- I'm tired of being behind on everything, losing important things but knowing they are somewhere in that hay stack but not having the time to find them. I am tired of always being late for EVERYTHING!

(Keith and I were recently late for a funeral for some dear friends of ours who had lost their young daughter, we walked in while the slide show and music were playing to the practically standing room only area, and had to shuffle past all the weeping people to find a seat. At the end of the funeral, the mother came up to me and asked why we didn't come up as a family to view the body, and before I could answer she said "you were late huh? Well I thought so, but I wouldn't expect any less from you :) She said it with a wry smile and we both laughed about it- but I felt terrible)

All of this to say- I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back- and As I follow Him, I believe that He is making me look more like him. I am believing that He will honor me and indeed help me produce in my life the faithfulness and discipline I need to be the Wife and Mother He's called me to be!

My very first (still wet behind the ears) post

Wow- This is kinda exciting! I never realized that I, me, lil ole Jen Brown could be a blogger. Maybe I thought you had to be chosen or something. And here I am in the weeeee hours of the morning surfing the web, looking for how I can be a better mom and wife, and good golly it looks like I just stumbled onto being able to create my own blog- yippee. Well that is if anyone wants to read ;)
Hopefully I can get the hang of this pretty quickly- but for now, my eyes and body need a rest- toodles and tiddleywinks-